mon

mone holo mon aar mon nei.
mone pore mon chhilo... mon nie-i mon chhilo.
mone nei kano aar mon nei.
esob ki mone kora-r na mone porar!
jaihok mon aar mone nei...
naki mone aar mon nei?

lazy act

wishes...
i have in my mind..
that popped up straight from my heart...
i desperately want to fulfill them... well, but,
for a few of 'em i really dont.
they are so beautiful as wishes...
i dont want to fulfill and loose wishes...
it takes a lot to build a new one...
...too lazy to form wishes.

because i knew...

i have always feared to love her...
because i knew that she could love me more in return and...
she would win the game that way.
but she still loved me and i lost it.

baby's reaction

one saturday.. i went for a movie with a friend in a nearby theatre... just for spending the evening lazily... physically and mentally. tickets were not a problem.. we got two of 'em easily. well.. we did not celebrate it that much... courtesy movie review in the newspaper, that morning. there was time left for the show to start. we moved around the multiplex stalls... indifferently, every shop owner must have predicted that we are not going to buy any damn thing. we smoked two sticks one after another.. to kill the time further... and we decided to enter the theatre at last. we got ourselves seated comfortably on nicely cusioned multiplex seats.. hoping some good looking girls would come around and sit beside us. the screen and the sound boxes were doing their job to exhibit several ad films and to insist on some directive principles. we knew the ordeal. next they will cast "jan gan man" and then the movie for which we had the tickets. yes. we stood up as the words on the screen prompted us to do so in the honour of our national anthem. well.. it started. but this version was new to me. Asha Bhosle and Lata Mangeshkar sang it on Rehman's composition. the video showed closeups of the singers and the india flag. it ended and i felt tears rolling down my cheeks. this was no first time that i listened to "jan gan man". so i felt further more than the tears. once i saw a baby getting hurt on his knees. everybody... his parents, relatives.. close ones... came running towards him.. spelling out different words, some cursing the woodden block that hurt him, some sympathizing him... some providing courage to deal with the wound... but words only. the baby looked listlessly towards everyone's face. few minutes later, he broke down into tears... i realized i was hurt by the attack on taj mumbai on wednesday, 26th. i reacted 3 days later. the baby took minutes. i took days.

and i passed..

there are few questions.. that arise somewhere inside me. questions that can be answered only by me. its a self test kind of thing. but assessing the answers... is always more difficult than the test.
an urge comes out to ask the same questions to different people under same circumstances and reconcile their answers with those of mine. but that sounds stupid. assuming is wiser... rather, easier than clarifying.. and i pass myself in the test.

devastated...

i want to say that i love you.... but 'm devastated. 'm not able to decide whether to run up to the terrace and shout it out... or to whisper 'em in your ears..

papers under lamp

from dawn to dusk, the movement of sun have been so historic to everybody's life at any given point of time, that none of us can remember the date when he or she watched the sun to rise or to set for the first time.
but the human mind can easily become nostalgic about the romance of first train journey and the first kiss and in some cases, it tends to remember the whole series sequentially :)
seems that memory gets functional depending upon our expectations.
we tend to remember things that we expect less or crave for, to happen.
trip to delhi was one such thing that i wanted to memorize for several reasons... personal and professional.
and it was the return flight that came up with the personal ones....
after vijay malya's welcome speech, i tuned to ten sports. one of ganguly's innings was air casted in a program called legends.
beams of sunlight continued to change directions on my lap... courtesy window seat :)
they all disappeared suddenly to catch my attention. i looked out of the window...there were clouds under the sun.... like papers under lamp.